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Post by ange postecoslamp on Jan 14, 2017 21:40:36 GMT
I know why you are all gathered here, breath no doubt bated. Once upon a time, I wrote a funny thing about how Nigel Adkins says Barclays Premier League a lot and imagined what he might look like in a sort of branded homage to the mythical chimera. As with all good sell-outs, here instead of something funny, is a jumbled together Q&A-style look at the extremely well-researched nation of Morocco, Arkansas. What’s this, then?It’s a write up for the Moroccan national football team, squire. They’re off to play a tournament inside of Gabriel Agbonlahor. Do not ask me why this is the best location they could come up with for what is ostensibly a top tier international competition, but I can safely assume that the main reason is that Scott Sinclair was busy. Who are they playing, then, inside - as we have previously established - of Gabriel Agbonlahor?Togo, famous for their 1982 hit “Africa”, which is a bit rich considering that Togo is, like, 1% of Africa, maximum. Their main strength is Emmanuel Adebayor and their main weakness is Emmanuel Adebayor. Ivory Coast, who you can read a detailed factual analysis of here. I’m sure nothing has changed of note since 2014. YAYA, YAYAYAYA, ETC. Eh, Lads? Dr. Congo, MD; inventor of Um Bongo. It was a fruit drink before your day. How, then, are they intending to beat this lineup of bands, medical professionals and Toures? Like, have they got anyone good? Has Morocco, as a whole, got anything good?Morocco are good. How good, I hear you ask? Try 2013 Islamic Solidarity Games Gold Medal good. Defender and captain, Mehdi Benatia, has won titles with Bayern and Juventus. Sofiane Boufal gets a lot of hype on twitter by JM and is therefore good. Mbark Boussofa looked set for European success too, but was held back by his inability to spell ‘Mark’ properly. Morocco is also home to tagine, the film Casablanca, the place Casablanca, and 1980 Eurovision song contest entrant Samira Bensaid which is taking the piss, like. You can’t do Eurovision and the African Cup of Nations, lads, that’s just selfish. Run out of jokes, now, haven’t you, eh, Jon? Shot your wad early with the Gabriel Agbonlahor bit, didn’t you? Essentially a fraud, aren’t you? It’s weird when you call me Jon. Morocco!
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The Quito Diet
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Post by The Quito Diet on Jan 14, 2017 22:39:33 GMT
Gobble Gobble's adopted nation of Gabon, hosting the tournament for the second time in 5 years, would likely not have qualified if not for their ability to jump in and offer four half empty stadiums when Libya descended into Civil War and some namby pamby bureaucrat throught player and fan safety was important. As it stands however, and ignoring the results of the game earleir today because it'll really ruin what I've got in my mind to write here, they've been given a fair chance of qualifying from the group with a favourable group; Cameroon are not the force they once were, Burkina Faso sounds like the name of a new law being enforced along the French riveira, and Guinea Bissau are such minnows that their record scorer hsa a grand total of 6 goals. Gabon on the other hand boast possibly the continent's best player in Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, the Dortmund striker won't be able to count on too much support when he looks around him; apart from Lemina of Juventus and N'Dong of Sunderland, the Aaron Ramsey and Joe Allen of the side if you will, this really is just like Wales/Bale. And after the Euros, who knows?
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Post by The Quito Diet on Jan 14, 2017 22:45:42 GMT
Paul's Togo. There is literally nothing interesting about the team that Jon hasn't already covered in highlighting that their best player is Emmanuel Adebayor, their worst player is Emmanuel Adebayor, the only player they have that I recognise is Emmanuel Adebayor. So, let's look at the manager. Claude Le Roy. What a hero. 66 years old, and with a managerial career that reads like a Lenny Henry Comic Relief flight history; Amiens, Grenoble, Al-Shabab, Cameroon, Senegal, Malaysia, Cameroon, Strasbourg, Shanghai Cosco, Cambridge United, DR Congo, Ghana, Oman, Syria, DR Congo, Congo, Togo. Back to the team though, and let's just hope that the players that turn up to be Group C's whipping boys are actually the Togo national team, and not the same bunch of chancers that went to Bahrain claiming to be the pro's and took a pasting for a bit of cash. Be fucking funny though.
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Post by The Quito Diet on Jan 14, 2017 22:52:42 GMT
ic has possibly lucked out with Egypt; the tournaments most successful team by an absolute country mile, even you'd struggle to name any major players from the country who have made a considerable impact in world football. I mean, Mido has made a considerable impact in many ways, but possibly not in the way he'd wished to be remembered by. Although they've not even struggled with qualifying for recent tournaments, and boasting a 43 year old goalkeeper with 143 appearances for his country, this is a good team that may very well equal more than the sum of it's individual parts. With the ridiculous stamina of Mohammed Elneny in the middle of the field, and the outrageous dancing of Elmohamady out wide befuddling full backs, Egypt could prove dangerous in the knock out stages.
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Post by The Quito Diet on Jan 14, 2017 23:01:17 GMT
you give me rrrroad rrrrage has probably the best pick of the lot here in terms of adopted nation; Guinea-Bissau, a minnow of such stature that they would actually look at Scotland's major tournament history with a tinge of envy. As mentioned earlier, their star striker Cicero is their record goalscorer. With six goals. Even Andy Selva of San Marino has managed 8. Before qualifying for this tournament (and topping their group in doing so), they had won four games in thirty two. One of the poorest countries on Earth, the majority of the squad is full of ex-pats. They're basically the Gibraltar of Africa. And Gibraltar had to get Danny Higginbotham out of retirement. So that gives you a sense of the type of underdogs we're dealing with here. Few expect them to score, let alone get a point. If anything, it would be a monumental shock, given the group they've been drawn in, if they were able to keep any losses down to single goals. So that they not only rescued a last minute draw with the hosts earlier today, but actually outplayed them for vast periods, suggests that this may just be the underdog story that draws you give me rrrroad rrrrage towards these minnows more than any other sweepstake pick in this topic.
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Post by The Quito Diet on Jan 14, 2017 23:02:40 GMT
Am certain I've missed one but it's late so if anybody hasn't had one yet please let me know.
Will probably sort ouf a decent sort of first post with viewing details and stuff on tomorrow.
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Post by The Quito Diet on Jan 15, 2017 16:52:12 GMT
Algeria currently 2-1 down against Zimbabwe. Maybe I should have given them more of a write-up
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Post by you give me rrrroad rrrrage on Jan 15, 2017 16:53:42 GMT
Robert Mugabe's Barmy Army
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Post by The Quito Diet on Jan 15, 2017 17:00:45 GMT
Added all the group fixtures to the first post, steady 2 games a day for the next two weeks.
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Post by Today I feel Uruguay on Jan 15, 2017 23:25:12 GMT
Apparently we won in 2004 although I think we may need to wait to repeat that.
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Stu
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Post by Stu on Jan 16, 2017 15:52:39 GMT
zaha hat trick incoming on eurosport now
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Stu
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Post by Stu on Jan 16, 2017 16:42:58 GMT
christ this is boring
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#FreeBTS
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Post by #FreeBTS on Jan 16, 2017 17:35:40 GMT
Mystified as to why Ivory Coast took off their one attacking threat
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Post by Deleted on Jan 16, 2017 19:29:13 GMT
I'd love to watch the eventual winners destroy ange postecoslamp but that fucking horn is doing my head in.
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Post by The Quito Diet on Jan 18, 2017 19:35:58 GMT
Some proper shite games so far tbh.
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