Post by Gianni Infantino on Dec 28, 2013 1:08:24 GMT
*Insert Premier League logo here*
We officially reach the midway point of the season this weekend as the race for Liverpool's title hots up and other clubs delude themselves that it's their year. Dickheads.
The weekend begins with the footballing version of West Side Story as West Ham, from the East side of London, host West Brom, who admittedly are from the West Midlands. This one is on Sky, AND ITS LIVE. Further proof that Sky have lost control of the monster they created.
The first 3 o'clock kick off I'm looking at is at Villa Park, where Swansea will face, erm, Villa. Now honestly, these teams are so insignificant I don't even know where either of them are in the table. Honestly, stop comparing me to Adrian Durham and start it with the Garth Crooks, I literally am clueless.
Hull play Fulham, fresh from their disappointing loss in a bottom-of-the-table clash with United (LOL ITS SO FUNNY) will be looking to get a win over a team with a weird Asian owner. Seems to be a lot of those these days /Stu.
Manchester City faced the best side in Europe on Boxing Day, and captain Vincent Kompany called them the best team to visit the Etihad this season. So this weekend they play against Crystal Palace, who are just one of those teams I expect to actually be cheeky cunts and beat City. Or it'll be 9-0.
Norwich beat Ua considerably better United last season. Not better as in the squad, better as in their manager wasn't a fucking idiot. And even while one of their midfielders' colon was eating him from the inside, he was still better than Fellaini. Norwich haven't gotten their big summer signings to click, but they don't need to. It's only United.
The late kick off is Cardiff against Sunderland. Cardiff are managerless after their Rush Hour villain owner sacked Malky Mackay on Friday. Sunderland will be buoyed by a win over title challengers (lol fuck off old forum tits) Everton at Goodison. But my general sentiment is that every Sunderland game is a guaranteed 0-0. I think the same of this.
Sunday, and we have four games, two on TV. Which is which, I don't know.
Everton host Southampton, who recently caused the sacking of Malky Mackay with a 3-0 away win at Cardiff, and Everton recently caused the happy part of Sweeney's brain to re-emerge. Tim Howard won't be there, Joel will. Expect a Jay Rod-inspired Saints win.
The other 13:30 kick off sees Arsenal travel to St James. I must admit, I fucking love this fixture. Last year we had a 7-3 with Theo Walcott enjoying the festive period, which seems to be the case again after his two goal salvo against West/East Ham on Boxing Day. The 4-4 at St James will live long in the memory of many people, hope for a repeat of it here. Newcastle look good, Arsenal have faltered of late, it could be a class game. 0-0.
THE CLASH OF THE TITAN versus Jose Mourinho's Chelsea is the 4pm Sky kick-off from Stamford Bridge. Mourinho has come in for criticism recently for his anti-football tactics and inability to make any of his players look even half decent. Liverpool meanwhile pushed Man City to their worst home result of the season, a measly 2-1 win. If there's any justice in the world, Mourinho will be The Sad One come Sunday evening, but I expect Mike will be smugly posting about how much better his shitty, horrible cunty team are while I have a little cry.
Tottenham against Stoke is the other 16:00 kick off. Two boring teams who seem to be allergic to scoring. Spurs' biggest revelation this year has been that they do not know how to spend £100m. Stoke's has been that Oussama Assaidi has an end product. I literally never would have suspected it.
We officially reach the midway point of the season this weekend as the race for Liverpool's title hots up and other clubs delude themselves that it's their year. Dickheads.
The weekend begins with the footballing version of West Side Story as West Ham, from the East side of London, host West Brom, who admittedly are from the West Midlands. This one is on Sky, AND ITS LIVE. Further proof that Sky have lost control of the monster they created.
The first 3 o'clock kick off I'm looking at is at Villa Park, where Swansea will face, erm, Villa. Now honestly, these teams are so insignificant I don't even know where either of them are in the table. Honestly, stop comparing me to Adrian Durham and start it with the Garth Crooks, I literally am clueless.
Hull play Fulham, fresh from their disappointing loss in a bottom-of-the-table clash with United (LOL ITS SO FUNNY) will be looking to get a win over a team with a weird Asian owner. Seems to be a lot of those these days /Stu.
Manchester City faced the best side in Europe on Boxing Day, and captain Vincent Kompany called them the best team to visit the Etihad this season. So this weekend they play against Crystal Palace, who are just one of those teams I expect to actually be cheeky cunts and beat City. Or it'll be 9-0.
Norwich beat Ua considerably better United last season. Not better as in the squad, better as in their manager wasn't a fucking idiot. And even while one of their midfielders' colon was eating him from the inside, he was still better than Fellaini. Norwich haven't gotten their big summer signings to click, but they don't need to. It's only United.
The late kick off is Cardiff against Sunderland. Cardiff are managerless after their Rush Hour villain owner sacked Malky Mackay on Friday. Sunderland will be buoyed by a win over title challengers (lol fuck off old forum tits) Everton at Goodison. But my general sentiment is that every Sunderland game is a guaranteed 0-0. I think the same of this.
Sunday, and we have four games, two on TV. Which is which, I don't know.
Everton host Southampton, who recently caused the sacking of Malky Mackay with a 3-0 away win at Cardiff, and Everton recently caused the happy part of Sweeney's brain to re-emerge. Tim Howard won't be there, Joel will. Expect a Jay Rod-inspired Saints win.
The other 13:30 kick off sees Arsenal travel to St James. I must admit, I fucking love this fixture. Last year we had a 7-3 with Theo Walcott enjoying the festive period, which seems to be the case again after his two goal salvo against West/East Ham on Boxing Day. The 4-4 at St James will live long in the memory of many people, hope for a repeat of it here. Newcastle look good, Arsenal have faltered of late, it could be a class game. 0-0.
THE CLASH OF THE TITAN versus Jose Mourinho's Chelsea is the 4pm Sky kick-off from Stamford Bridge. Mourinho has come in for criticism recently for his anti-football tactics and inability to make any of his players look even half decent. Liverpool meanwhile pushed Man City to their worst home result of the season, a measly 2-1 win. If there's any justice in the world, Mourinho will be The Sad One come Sunday evening, but I expect Mike will be smugly posting about how much better his shitty, horrible cunty team are while I have a little cry.
Tottenham against Stoke is the other 16:00 kick off. Two boring teams who seem to be allergic to scoring. Spurs' biggest revelation this year has been that they do not know how to spend £100m. Stoke's has been that Oussama Assaidi has an end product. I literally never would have suspected it.