Barclays Premier League Round 30.5
Mar 25, 2014 13:55:42 GMT
Star of Spurs, sween, and 2 more like this
Post by ange postecoslamp on Mar 25, 2014 13:55:42 GMT
Tuesday 25th March
Arsenal v Swansea 19:45
Man Utd v Man City 19:45
Newcastle v Everton 19:45
Wednesday 26th March
West Ham v Hull 19:45
Liverpool v Sunderland 20:00
Man Utd v Man City 19:45
Newcastle v Everton 19:45
Wednesday 26th March
West Ham v Hull 19:45
Liverpool v Sunderland 20:00
That's right, due to all the scheduling fuck ups caused by teams like Arsenal and United and City busy embarrassing our nation in front of the whole of Europe in the Champions' League and teams like Hull and Sunderland and erm, City again, embarrassing themselves by actually still giving a fuck about the Cups, we've got half a round of fixtures on weekday nights. Hooray
Arsenal host a team who play in white and who sacked their charismatic young European manager only to replace him with an ex-player who looks like he's not really quite sure how to do this whole managing lark. That's right, it's the North Parts-of-their-respective-regions-of-the-country Derby. Swansea used to be quite good and would've troubled Arsenal last season but it's all gone a bit Andre Marriner for the Swans this year and Arsenal come in as clear favourites, so expect a home team capitulation and plenty of pessimism.
Newcastle and Everton have also somehow managed to get themselves a game in hand through what I can only assume is a medical technicality revolving around the maximum number of consecutive weeks that players are allowed to be exposed to contact with Joe Kinnear. And speaking of Andre Marriner, everyone's favourite incompetent racist has been given charge of Newcastle's match on Saturday where he's odds-on to attempt to send off Demba Ba at some point. That's right, Pardew's still in exile in Cambodia for trying to get off with David Meyler and yet Marriner's allowed to come straight back into refereeing a top flight match off the back of making a right tit of himself in front of millions. He'll probably ref the World Cup Final at Qatar 2022.
And at Old Trafford, Manchester United host Manchester City. Here is City midfielder Fernandinho's take on the reverse fixture;
“It was the first time I’d played them after joining City,” he said. “United are a club with history, with very good players and they were the champions. So I was surprised at how badly they played, how easily we won."
It is understood that the Mirror looked for a counter quote from one of United's central midfielders but were unable to get hold of any of them - This is because Anderson's corpse is now locked away under 24 hour surveillance in the cold storage unit underneath Carrington, and Giggs, who counts as a centre mid now apparently, was at home shagging all the reporters' wives or sisters or something. BANTER. Tom Cleverley offered quotes about what a top bloke David Moyes is and how hard all the lads are working but reporters thought better of it and moved swiftly on before Tom spotted the stories about how everyone wants him deported to Bosnia because he's shit.
When asked, Pellegrini said United were a good team, in between tokes of his pre-match joint perfectly engineered to achieve the optimal levels of red eyes for the post match interviews about how he was only kidding and United are going to finish 9th. At his own press conference, David Moyes confidently stated that David Moyes' job was under no pressure whatsoever before announcing the £37 million signing of Ricardo Carvalho to "make Giggs not feel quite so old any more" and his plans to start Phil Neville up top.
On Wednesday, West Ham host Hull in an exciting battle to be the most forgettable side in the Premier League. If someone asked you to name all 20 Premier League teams these would be the two you forget. You get the top sides and then you get all the ones in the relegation zone and then you spend 5 minutes trying to remember if you've already said Stoke or not and trying to still pretend that you know what you're talking about by naming players you've only heard of on Football Manager. Big Sam could probably name about 6 teams and coincidentally that's how many West Ham players will actually get to touch the ball today. Why even bother with a midfield.
And then in the ever so slightly later kick off Liverpool are [redacted for legal reasons]
Maski
Shildon
The North
Stick a pie on it or something and it'll get there.
I'm gonna be lynched for this the second I ever go north of Sheffield. Not that I plan to.