Barclays Premier League Round 37 and a bit
May 5, 2014 10:23:25 GMT
Star of Spurs, sween, and 1 more like this
Post by ange postecoslamp on May 5, 2014 10:23:25 GMT
With the final day fast approaching, managers up and down the country are shoe-horning in all the fixtures they forgot to do throughout the year. "Shit! Brendan! Have you done Palace away yet?" shouts a feverish John Henry from the kitchen of the maisonette in Chester that he and Rodgers share. "Errrr, I think I had a haircut that day.. I'll ring Tony and see what he's up to on Monday"
And so, midweek games! 4 of them. Last week we got to watch Real and Atletico go to town on two of the best managers in the world like it wasn't even particularly challenging but now we get to see Ryan Giggs and Steve Bruce going mano a mano to see which team can bundle in the most back post chances from overhit crosses. I love the Premier League.
Crystal Palace v Liverpool, Monday 5th May 20:00, Sky Sports 1 HD
FIFA commentator extraordinaire Martin Tyler and lifelong Crystal Palace fan Gary Neville bring you another exciting broadcast of mnf, which is coincidentally also the sound Neville will make any time Mignolet's forced to make a save. Both of these teams have taken 12 points from the last 15, with both also sharing 2-0 losses at home to a title contender last weekend so form isn't a factor here as tactical master Tony Pulis sets out to do exactly what Mourinho did last weekend by frustrating Liverpool a lot and then letting everyone laugh at Steven Gerrard. Despite Liverpool having 40 shots to Palace's 3 Martin Tyler will bang on about how neck and neck the game's been because that's all he ever does for me on FIFA.
I've not got any jokes about this one, sorry.
Man United v Hull City, Tuesday 6th May 19:45, Probably TV Somewhere
I already did all my United Hull spiel in the intro bit so here's a largely redundant paragraph about a football game on a Tuesday night involving Hull. Hilariously, Hull will be playing midweek football next year even if it is only a few qualifiers against teams with silly names like Amkar Perm and Atlético Serbia, and Manchester United won't. David Moyes was the best.
Predicted lineup for Amkar Perm
Man City v Aston Villa, Wednesday 7th May 19:45, Definitely TV Somewhere
On Wednesday it's the big one as Manchester City face Aston Villa in a game that could well actually confirm the title after Palace beat Liverpool 1-0 and make the title race all really anticlimactic. We already know the top 4 and basically know who's going down so if City win and Liverpool don't then I might not bother spending all day in the pub on Sunday. Or at the very least have a few more drinks than I was planning to and pretend that AVB's still in charge and we could go 4th if Arsenal drop points at Newcastle. And then everyone will cheer because they think that maybe Papiss Cisse's scored an equaliser but then swiftly realise how ridiculous that would be and how we're gonna finish 5th AGAIN.
Or 6th or whatever. Progress. G-I-L-E-T-S
Spelling out progress was a Brendan Rodgers thing wasn't it? That's not completely made up like the Easter Bunny or Owen Hargreaves' football career, is it?
Er, City 12-1 Villa.
Sunderland v West Brom, Wednesday 7th May 19:45, Just Stream This One
Sunderland could ruin the less exciting part of Sunday as well by getting a point off West Brom, who are shit, at home. Remember all the exciting stuff that happened on transfer deadline day in January? If the results fall wrong (or right if you're Sweeney and anyone who hates Norwich and/or Liverpool) then we may all spend our Sunday fondly remembering that time Ross Atkins' loan move to Crawley went through at the last minute, or whoever it was running the Jim White account desperately trying to think of another innuendo involving coke and Natalie Sawyer's tits.
Just kidding, we're all psyched for the CRUCIAL BATTLE FOR 13TH
I would also assume at some point this week Spurs will be playing the 10-15 fixtures this year that we forgot to turn up for so keep your eye out for that.
In that other football on Thursday it's the NFL Draft which I'm much more excited about than United v Hull. Is Jadaveon Clowney going first overall? Yeah. He is.
TOP SOCCERING, BACK TO YOU IN THE STUDIO JEFF.
And so, midweek games! 4 of them. Last week we got to watch Real and Atletico go to town on two of the best managers in the world like it wasn't even particularly challenging but now we get to see Ryan Giggs and Steve Bruce going mano a mano to see which team can bundle in the most back post chances from overhit crosses. I love the Premier League.
Crystal Palace v Liverpool, Monday 5th May 20:00, Sky Sports 1 HD
FIFA commentator extraordinaire Martin Tyler and lifelong Crystal Palace fan Gary Neville bring you another exciting broadcast of mnf, which is coincidentally also the sound Neville will make any time Mignolet's forced to make a save. Both of these teams have taken 12 points from the last 15, with both also sharing 2-0 losses at home to a title contender last weekend so form isn't a factor here as tactical master Tony Pulis sets out to do exactly what Mourinho did last weekend by frustrating Liverpool a lot and then letting everyone laugh at Steven Gerrard. Despite Liverpool having 40 shots to Palace's 3 Martin Tyler will bang on about how neck and neck the game's been because that's all he ever does for me on FIFA.
I've not got any jokes about this one, sorry.
Man United v Hull City, Tuesday 6th May 19:45, Probably TV Somewhere
I already did all my United Hull spiel in the intro bit so here's a largely redundant paragraph about a football game on a Tuesday night involving Hull. Hilariously, Hull will be playing midweek football next year even if it is only a few qualifiers against teams with silly names like Amkar Perm and Atlético Serbia, and Manchester United won't. David Moyes was the best.
Predicted lineup for Amkar Perm
On Wednesday it's the big one as Manchester City face Aston Villa in a game that could well actually confirm the title after Palace beat Liverpool 1-0 and make the title race all really anticlimactic. We already know the top 4 and basically know who's going down so if City win and Liverpool don't then I might not bother spending all day in the pub on Sunday. Or at the very least have a few more drinks than I was planning to and pretend that AVB's still in charge and we could go 4th if Arsenal drop points at Newcastle. And then everyone will cheer because they think that maybe Papiss Cisse's scored an equaliser but then swiftly realise how ridiculous that would be and how we're gonna finish 5th AGAIN.
Or 6th or whatever. Progress. G-I-L-E-T-S
Spelling out progress was a Brendan Rodgers thing wasn't it? That's not completely made up like the Easter Bunny or Owen Hargreaves' football career, is it?
Er, City 12-1 Villa.
Sunderland v West Brom, Wednesday 7th May 19:45, Just Stream This One
Sunderland could ruin the less exciting part of Sunday as well by getting a point off West Brom, who are shit, at home. Remember all the exciting stuff that happened on transfer deadline day in January? If the results fall wrong (or right if you're Sweeney and anyone who hates Norwich and/or Liverpool) then we may all spend our Sunday fondly remembering that time Ross Atkins' loan move to Crawley went through at the last minute, or whoever it was running the Jim White account desperately trying to think of another innuendo involving coke and Natalie Sawyer's tits.
Just kidding, we're all psyched for the CRUCIAL BATTLE FOR 13TH
I would also assume at some point this week Spurs will be playing the 10-15 fixtures this year that we forgot to turn up for so keep your eye out for that.
In that other football on Thursday it's the NFL Draft which I'm much more excited about than United v Hull. Is Jadaveon Clowney going first overall? Yeah. He is.
TOP SOCCERING, BACK TO YOU IN THE STUDIO JEFF.