Premier League 2016/17 Round 2 (No sponsor)
Aug 18, 2016 14:25:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 18, 2016 14:25:26 GMT
Another week of sponsor less Premier League football is back. It's the Premier League's way of pretending it isn't a soulless money spinning business, and that it definitely isn't as nasty as that horrible bank it was sponsored by. By the way, the scoreboard is sponsored now and Sky have fallen on hard times because who the fuck even drives a Nissan? Understandably with the Olympics coming to a close football might take a backseat given how, generally, the first week was quite poor but in difficult times, I persevere to deliver a mildly coherent bunch of ramblings on this week's fixtures. I've refrained from using the new Premier League logo because it's shite.
Friday 19th
Man United v Southampton (8:00)
Saturday 20th
Stoke v Man City (12:30)
Burnley v Liverpool (3:00)
Swansea v Hull (3:00)
Spurs v Palace (3:00)
Watford v Chelsea (3:00)
West Brom v Everton (3:00)
Leicester v Arsenal (5:30)
Sunday 21st
Sunderland v Middlesbrough
West Ham v Bournemouth
*Sigh*. Friday nights are here. If you're a fan of a Football League or recently promoted Football League club (EFL? What about Cardiff?) then you're probably used to these and probably think that toffs like me should just get used to it. Or more likely 90% of wanting to get promoted over the last few years was to get away from the horrendous idea that is having football on a Friday night. I don't know what it is that seems fundamentally wrong because we have football on every single weekday night but Fridays feel wrong to me. Anyway it's Untied and Southampton, with Mourinho's new look team looking strong last week, now with extra dabbing and "look at me, I'm young and I'm black. I must do these dances". Southampton, for a record 89th summer in a row, are cleaning out their entire squad and will probably improve for it because that's what they do now.
Onto a normal disgusting kick off time for away fans, and it's the slightly changed lunchtime kick off which now starts 15 minutes earlier which I can only guess is an attempt to get match goers to watch the game on Sky before heading off to their own game. I didn't pay attention to Stoke last week, I understand Arnautovic has taken up this trend of dying your hair like 2007 Gerard Way and he still has the man bun. City on the other hand are that good that their best player can have three penalties in two games, miss two of them, and still score four goals. Blimey.
Turf Moor, or Turf Not-very-much-at-all as it's known during the winter months, welcomes Premier League football back to its hallowed turf and the visitors are Liverpool. Again, I don't care how Burnley did and my 2:2 degree is a testament to how little I care for research, but I am moderately aware that Liverpool are the best team in the league and Sadio Mané has the cure for cancer in that wristband he wears.
Swansea and Hull. I don't like to be lazy and this is a common theme in my write ups but who can be arsed writing about these two fucks. I'm happy Swansea have the Lion King now because he's my favourite Athletic player of all time but otherwise, meh. Hull beat Leicester in what I imagine won't even be that much of a shock come the end of the season when they win the league.
Spurs and Palace is a game to me that brings up horrid of memories of the time Roberto Soldado played for Spurs. One of the most boring games I've ever seen was actually made worse when Spurs scored a penalty after like 85 minutes. It always sticks out to me and im unsure why, I had a pretty strong disdain for Spurs at the time but that can't have been it. As for this game itself, you expect Spurs to win but I think Lloris may still be injured. Regardless, Palace, especially sans Bolasie, don't pose a huge threat.
Watford were one of last season's surprise packages, performing well above the expectations we all had for them, and they started the season well with a draw last week but I'm told that this Chelsea team is really good, having beaten West Ham on Monday. The problem is, with these new rules that anyone other than Rooney gets booked for arguing with referees, Diego Costa is genuinely looking at missing a solid 12 games this season from yellow card accumulation alone.
West Brom v Everton. I don't particularly care but Everton have got Bolasie, seemingly adding £15m to the price they paid because he made the red shite cry once. At least Rafa took Dwight Gayle so he couldn't hurt us anymore.
The late kick off (which is now on BT, remember) is at the King Power, home of the champions and former crisp emporium, and it hosts Arsenal, last year's runners up and perennial thorn in the side of their own fans. Arsenal were one of only two teams to actually beat Leicester last season (😏) but both teams come into this one with losses that were pretty hard to swallow. Arsenal are a mess defensively and with Shkodran Mustafi not yet an Arsenal player, it won't be fixed for Saturday. Meanwhile Leicester were the epitome of profligacy last week with Vardy in particular missing a couple of sitters. Should be a good game though.
The Tees-Wear, Wear-Tees derby is back in the Premier League after a long wait and let's be honest, we're all glad for it. It's the friendly Norrh East derby, the fans get along and Stewart Downing loves them both ever so much. Neither of the clubs think they're bigger than they are either, even though they've also got massive stadiums and have won something in the last half a century. I'm looking forward to this one.
The week is rounded off at the London Stadium (guys we need to find a name that doesn't sound like an auto generated FM stadium) which hosts its first Premier League game as West Ham take on Bournemouth. I like the Olympic Stadium just not really as a football ground, it looks anti-atmosphere but there's a chance for West Ham to prove they're the right team to be there this season.
That's it. I got bored halfway through so tried to make it quick, I don't know why I do these.
Friday 19th
Man United v Southampton (8:00)
Saturday 20th
Stoke v Man City (12:30)
Burnley v Liverpool (3:00)
Swansea v Hull (3:00)
Spurs v Palace (3:00)
Watford v Chelsea (3:00)
West Brom v Everton (3:00)
Leicester v Arsenal (5:30)
Sunday 21st
Sunderland v Middlesbrough
West Ham v Bournemouth
*Sigh*. Friday nights are here. If you're a fan of a Football League or recently promoted Football League club (EFL? What about Cardiff?) then you're probably used to these and probably think that toffs like me should just get used to it. Or more likely 90% of wanting to get promoted over the last few years was to get away from the horrendous idea that is having football on a Friday night. I don't know what it is that seems fundamentally wrong because we have football on every single weekday night but Fridays feel wrong to me. Anyway it's Untied and Southampton, with Mourinho's new look team looking strong last week, now with extra dabbing and "look at me, I'm young and I'm black. I must do these dances". Southampton, for a record 89th summer in a row, are cleaning out their entire squad and will probably improve for it because that's what they do now.
Onto a normal disgusting kick off time for away fans, and it's the slightly changed lunchtime kick off which now starts 15 minutes earlier which I can only guess is an attempt to get match goers to watch the game on Sky before heading off to their own game. I didn't pay attention to Stoke last week, I understand Arnautovic has taken up this trend of dying your hair like 2007 Gerard Way and he still has the man bun. City on the other hand are that good that their best player can have three penalties in two games, miss two of them, and still score four goals. Blimey.
Turf Moor, or Turf Not-very-much-at-all as it's known during the winter months, welcomes Premier League football back to its hallowed turf and the visitors are Liverpool. Again, I don't care how Burnley did and my 2:2 degree is a testament to how little I care for research, but I am moderately aware that Liverpool are the best team in the league and Sadio Mané has the cure for cancer in that wristband he wears.
Swansea and Hull. I don't like to be lazy and this is a common theme in my write ups but who can be arsed writing about these two fucks. I'm happy Swansea have the Lion King now because he's my favourite Athletic player of all time but otherwise, meh. Hull beat Leicester in what I imagine won't even be that much of a shock come the end of the season when they win the league.
Spurs and Palace is a game to me that brings up horrid of memories of the time Roberto Soldado played for Spurs. One of the most boring games I've ever seen was actually made worse when Spurs scored a penalty after like 85 minutes. It always sticks out to me and im unsure why, I had a pretty strong disdain for Spurs at the time but that can't have been it. As for this game itself, you expect Spurs to win but I think Lloris may still be injured. Regardless, Palace, especially sans Bolasie, don't pose a huge threat.
Watford were one of last season's surprise packages, performing well above the expectations we all had for them, and they started the season well with a draw last week but I'm told that this Chelsea team is really good, having beaten West Ham on Monday. The problem is, with these new rules that anyone other than Rooney gets booked for arguing with referees, Diego Costa is genuinely looking at missing a solid 12 games this season from yellow card accumulation alone.
West Brom v Everton. I don't particularly care but Everton have got Bolasie, seemingly adding £15m to the price they paid because he made the red shite cry once. At least Rafa took Dwight Gayle so he couldn't hurt us anymore.
The late kick off (which is now on BT, remember) is at the King Power, home of the champions and former crisp emporium, and it hosts Arsenal, last year's runners up and perennial thorn in the side of their own fans. Arsenal were one of only two teams to actually beat Leicester last season (😏) but both teams come into this one with losses that were pretty hard to swallow. Arsenal are a mess defensively and with Shkodran Mustafi not yet an Arsenal player, it won't be fixed for Saturday. Meanwhile Leicester were the epitome of profligacy last week with Vardy in particular missing a couple of sitters. Should be a good game though.
The Tees-Wear, Wear-Tees derby is back in the Premier League after a long wait and let's be honest, we're all glad for it. It's the friendly Norrh East derby, the fans get along and Stewart Downing loves them both ever so much. Neither of the clubs think they're bigger than they are either, even though they've also got massive stadiums and have won something in the last half a century. I'm looking forward to this one.
The week is rounded off at the London Stadium (guys we need to find a name that doesn't sound like an auto generated FM stadium) which hosts its first Premier League game as West Ham take on Bournemouth. I like the Olympic Stadium just not really as a football ground, it looks anti-atmosphere but there's a chance for West Ham to prove they're the right team to be there this season.
That's it. I got bored halfway through so tried to make it quick, I don't know why I do these.