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Post by daveyposhboy on Aug 18, 2020 11:24:53 GMT
Well in Davey, I fell off the wagon last week and have been cunting myself ever since Ah, take it from me you can't be beating yourself up mate! What's done is done. You can't change it, but you can change from it. I do love a platitude these days. That combo of guilt/shame/dread is an awful, awful, feeling though. Hope you're feeling better now.
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Exonerator
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Post by Exonerator on Jul 24, 2021 1:00:53 GMT
Come and watch the skinny kid with a Steadily declining mental health, and laugh as he attempts To give you what he cannot give himself
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Exonerator
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Post by Exonerator on Aug 4, 2021 20:01:09 GMT
So someone I've worked with for 5 years and knew well committed suicide last night.
Don't know what to make of it. Feel like shit.
One of my best friends (also a colleague) was really close to him and his name was even in the suicide note. I want to be there for him but I also need to process it myself.
I don't really know what to do.
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Olivier
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Post by Olivier on Aug 6, 2021 18:40:32 GMT
Shite news. Hope you and your other mate are getting on fine. I'm terrible when trying to support mates in tough situations. Everyone reacts differently and needs different things.
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The Quito Diet
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Post by The Quito Diet on Aug 6, 2021 20:15:46 GMT
So someone I've worked with for 5 years and knew well committed suicide last night. Don't know what to make of it. Feel like shit. One of my best friends (also a colleague) was really close to him and his name was even in the suicide note. I want to be there for him but I also need to process it myself. I don't really know what to do. Does your work not have some form of support programme like EAP? Would definitely be leaning on them for some support and counselling if you can.
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Post by blackpool on Aug 6, 2021 20:57:21 GMT
Started chatting to a girl last night and after a couple days of chatting, getting close to meeting she messages me saying her sister has died. She's still messaging me but not sure she wants to meet now. The ironic thing is back when I was a teenager I was talking to a girl and after a few dates her gran died and we then lost contact.
I'm either really unlucky or cursed. Probably both.
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Simon
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Post by Simon on Mar 15, 2022 18:26:34 GMT
Been going through a rough patch lately and finding that I frequently need to clear my head, which is a bit of a mess right now, so this may be all over the place.
Been very depressed since Christmas and also extremely anxious. My mother in law was diagnosed with bowel cancer just before Christmas and, in addition to obviously caring about her, I've been extremely worried for my wife as the two of them are so close and I was worried by how much it would affect her. Understandably, my wife was in a really bad place and was signed off for a couple of weeks. She's a teacher and has been struggling with her job a little too so everything just kind of came to a head all at once. I've obviously been supporting her throughout, but fortunately the general prognosis for her mum is now looking very good so we're all relieved and she is doing so much better in general now and is also far happier at work, so things in that regard are much better.
However, I've still been depressed and suffering from anxiety ever since the positive changes. Been speaking to a counsellor as not sure why I'm feeling like this all the time and my head is just constantly cluttered and have been feeling like i can barely function at times, particulalry at work. Long story short, we got down to the fact that deep down I've had a nagging thought that I have been unwilling to face - which is that I really don't enjoy my work at all anymore and want out.
I'm a canine behaviourist with a rescue charity and this has always been what I wanted to do, what I've worked the last 10 years toward and what I thought I'd do for the rest of my life. But now I find myself completely burnt out, I've lost nearly all my passion, every little thing feels like a chore now and I'm just constantly down and anxious at work. I feel like this job just takes so much more from me than it gives now and I feel exhausted at the thought that nothing I do will ever be enough in the bigger picture. I've felt so conflicted about all of it, I feel guilty for feeling like I'm turning my back on the sector when there's still, and always will be, so many battles that still need fighting. I feel like I've lost my identity and that I don't know what my passion in life is now. I feel angry at myself for allowing this to happen, to let what used to be a passion turn into a chore. Overall, it's been hard because I'm incredibly unhappy at work but then I berate myself for feeling that way. For a long time I made excuses to myself that this was a temporary feeling but I'm coming to terms with the fact that life is too short to be this unhappy 40 hours a week and I need to make a positive change, even if that means leaving behind something I never thought I would.
Problem now is I have no idea what I do next. I need to earn around the same amount to keep the bills paid but don't know where to begin finding the right next step, as I'm worried by how shit it'd feel to leave behind what was once my dream job and land in something even worse. The biggest thing I think I need is a job that you can leave at the door come 5pm. I have no problem working my absolute arse off for 8/9 hours a day but what I've come to despise about this job is how much it plays on my mind outside of working hours. The responsibility I have is huge and the decisions I make have, quite literally, life or death consequences. Added to that some of the things I've seen over the years will pretty much stay with me for the rest of my life, and not in a good way.
I feel like I just want a job where I work hard, but at the end of the day I can switch off and enjoy my life. I used to be so career driven but now feel like my personal life needs to come first for me - which also means working weekends and every single bank holiday can fuck right off.
But yeah, long story short I feel like I desperately need to get out of my current situation but have a lot of negative feelings about doing so and have no idea where to go from here. I just feel tired of being confused all the time at the moment, can barely organise my thoughts.
Writing that all out felt pretty good though.
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The Quito Diet
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Post by The Quito Diet on Mar 15, 2022 19:16:18 GMT
You may not realise it just now but particularly with anxiety, just being able to speak about it is a massive step. Sounds like an awful lot thrown your way at once and I'm glad that therapy was fruitful for you.
On the jobs front, the market is absolutely flying - we're struggling to bring people in just because of how competitive it is. If you fancy a steady 9-5/8-4 Monday to Friday, sign up for Civil Service Jobs. The pay for entry level pisses all over most private sector roles, even apprenticeships come out at 23k a year minimum. Admittedly the growth prospects aren't there but you there's a variety of roles and departments, you should find something that suits.
Also on the clearing head front, I had that a lot last year when work got too much. For me, riding a bike every day after work and just chatting shit with my partner helped massively.
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Post by you give me rrrroad rrrrage on Mar 15, 2022 20:06:49 GMT
Simon sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time, mate. Will echo what’s been said about deffo talking it out if you have that option. On the career change stuff, if you want a change but not quite sure in what direction do I’d recommend getting in touch with people in careers you might be interested in and seeing if they’d either be up for a coffee/zoom chat about the ins and outs of what they do each day (warts and all) and how they got into their career or even if they’d be up for letting you shadow them for a day. If you’re on LinkedIn messaging people in your secondary network (like contacts of contacts) can be a starting point. I tried this a few years back and at worst people will just say ‘no thanks’ but I found them generally to be quite helpful. Also, I when I was thinking through making a career change a couple of years back I had a whole bunch of things in my head I wanted to change but didn’t really know how to prioritise stuff or put any sort of structure to my thoughts. I generally hate any self- help type books but ‘What Colour Is Your Parachute’ (lol) had a couple of really useful worksheets in it to work through that in a systematic way and hopefully get a clearer picture at the end. It was written by some American guy a good while ago so some of the stuff is quite dated in relation to today’s job market but those bits were really useful. There used to be a new edition released every year but from what I know the core bits are mostly left unchanged and you should be able to get a cheap second hand copy on Amazon and I think even a few libraries stock it.
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Simon
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Post by Simon on Mar 16, 2022 18:22:20 GMT
You may not realise it just now but particularly with anxiety, just being able to speak about it is a massive step. Sounds like an awful lot thrown your way at once and I'm glad that therapy was fruitful for you. On the jobs front, the market is absolutely flying - we're struggling to bring people in just because of how competitive it is. If you fancy a steady 9-5/8-4 Monday to Friday, sign up for Civil Service Jobs. The pay for entry level pisses all over most private sector roles, even apprenticeships come out at 23k a year minimum. Admittedly the growth prospects aren't there but you there's a variety of roles and departments, you should find something that suits. Also on the clearing head front, I had that a lot last year when work got too much. For me, riding a bike every day after work and just chatting shit with my partner helped massively. Thanks mate, I appreciate that. That's a great shout with the civil service jobs, will definitely look more into it. That's basically what I'm leaning towards right now, I've always told myself I need to be challenged and strive for higher things. But if I'm really honest now I just feel like I want to do my work, collect my money and be able to live a pretty care free life enjoying my free time with my wife.
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Simon
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Post by Simon on Mar 16, 2022 18:25:30 GMT
Simon sorry to hear you’re going through a tough time, mate. Will echo what’s been said about deffo talking it out if you have that option. On the career change stuff, if you want a change but not quite sure in what direction do I’d recommend getting in touch with people in careers you might be interested in and seeing if they’d either be up for a coffee/zoom chat about the ins and outs of what they do each day (warts and all) and how they got into their career or even if they’d be up for letting you shadow them for a day. If you’re on LinkedIn messaging people in your secondary network (like contacts of contacts) can be a starting point. I tried this a few years back and at worst people will just say ‘no thanks’ but I found them generally to be quite helpful. Also, I when I was thinking through making a career change a couple of years back I had a whole bunch of things in my head I wanted to change but didn’t really know how to prioritise stuff or put any sort of structure to my thoughts. I generally hate any self- help type books but ‘What Colour Is Your Parachute’ (lol) had a couple of really useful worksheets in it to work through that in a systematic way and hopefully get a clearer picture at the end. It was written by some American guy a good while ago so some of the stuff is quite dated in relation to today’s job market but those bits were really useful. There used to be a new edition released every year but from what I know the core bits are mostly left unchanged and you should be able to get a cheap second hand copy on Amazon and I think even a few libraries stock it. Thanks mate I appreciate that and appreciate the advice too. What you've described there about not knowing how to prioritise or structure thoughts is pretty spot on to how I'm feeling. I'm open to anything that could help so will look into that book.
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The Quito Diet
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Post by The Quito Diet on Jun 14, 2022 8:56:38 GMT
Bit random - anyone been to a bull fight?
Fwiw, I think they're barbaric and should be banned - and yet I'm also quite curious to go to one just to get an understanding of the Spanish culture around them.
Bit of a weird dilemma.
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Post by you give me rrrroad rrrrage on Jun 14, 2022 10:04:22 GMT
imo the only way you can justify it on moral grounds is if you run out into the middle in a Just Stop Oil t-shirt and cable tie yourself to the bull.
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Exonerator
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Post by Exonerator on Aug 15, 2022 18:23:03 GMT
Just lost my cat of 17+ years to cancer.
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The Quito Diet
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Post by The Quito Diet on Aug 15, 2022 20:44:12 GMT
That sucks - 17 years is a great run but also means you'll find it strange them not being there.
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