Paul
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Post by Paul on Aug 29, 2022 19:46:52 GMT
Anyone who follows me on Twitter will see that she’s been a complete cunt about things, doing everything she could to avoid paying me for the trip to London. If she’d said she wasn’t going to pay it I would’ve just accepted that but instead when I mentioned it to her she started blocking me on everything
Eventually had to put my big boy pants on and get my mum to message her (I wrote the message and sent it to my mum but made to look like my mum had wrote it) to explain that the money was causing me stress. So she sent a message back telling my mum that I’d been writing horrible things about her online (again, I mentioned a breakup on Twitter but never mentioned her by name and even mutual followers didn’t even know we were together because we were quite secretive) but she did eventually send the money so that’s sorted
Definitely feels like a bullet dodger even if I am still cut up by the whole situation. Like talking to people has been helpful for me because I’ve been lucky to never really have any episodes where my mental health has taken a hit but I could feel my stability just slipping last week. Feeling much better now, have a job interview Thursday which hopefully I’ll do well in because it’s potentially doubling my salary and I’ve also been talking to someone in the last few days and we’re gonna meet next week. I don’t know if I’m fully ready yet but I’ll make sure if not that I let her know as early as possible because I’ve felt the pain massively from that dishonesty of not being told until feelings were already involved
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Post by The Quito Diet on Aug 29, 2022 20:26:32 GMT
What I would say - don't forget she has a lot going on too. Not to excuse her shitty actions but to remember when going forward on case you're tempted to get drawn in to any mud slinging because it won't do you any good. Draw the line, move along.
Good that you acknowledged the mental dip too.
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Paul
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Post by Paul on Aug 29, 2022 22:10:21 GMT
I have been cognisant of that but she threatened me with the police for ‘harassment’ when I was asking for money she’d agreed to pay me so I just stopped approaching her in good faith at that point. She did have funerals on back to back days last week and said she was disgusted that I’d contacted her on one of those days as I was supposed to have known about them when we’d had no dialogue for a week at that point
The problems she’s going through at the minute probably are as bad as she’s claiming but she still had a responsibility to pay me what she owed and she was dragging things out instead of just sorting it out and it wasn’t doing either of us any good
I don’t plan on saying anything about her to anyone in public. I’ve spoken to people about her privately as they’ve been trying to help me but she told my mum I’d been saying things about her online which was just a pointless lie, I’ve only spoken about how difficult it’s been for me and I’ve actually been defending her to family and a couple of the people who’ve spoken to me about it all
Just really didn’t think this one would go so ugly so fast. I don’t even think I’ve been acting irrationally or anything
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Post by The Quito Diet on Aug 30, 2022 6:17:38 GMT
Oh nah, sorry if I implied that. Was moreso thinking from here on out now you've got your money. Last thing you need is drawn out arguments.
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Simon
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Post by Simon on Sept 30, 2022 20:40:44 GMT
Well since my last post about things going badly and being burnt out and lost in my job things have taken an unexpected turn for the better.
My organisation created a new lecturing position specialising in canine behaviour and welfare and after interviewing this morning I was offered the job in the afternoon. Its 9-5, Monday-Friday and 50% of my time will be working from home. It's basically everything I wanted from a job in terms of work-life balance with the bonus that I get to stay in the sector that I dedicated a career to.
I feel so unbelievably relieved right now and for the first time in so long I feel excited about the thought of work. Coming up to 9 years working on the front line of rescue has taken its toll on me mentally but now being in a position that allows me to step back but still get stuck into the stuff I really enjoy, talking and teaching about behaviour, really is a dream come true.
It's like a weight has been lifted off me in the last few hours and I have a whole new energy for this work again already, just needed a change in direction.
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Paul
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Post by Paul on Oct 30, 2022 0:36:36 GMT
So early yesterday (Friday) morning my dad was saying he didn’t feel right and was struggling with his balance. My mum, being a qualified nurse, ran a couple of checks on him in terms of his vitals to make sure he was OK and things seemed fine
He goes to work on Friday as normal and says he feels fine when he speaks to my mum that afternoon. Fast forward a few hours and (he’s a labourer) his colleague is driving the work van home and instead of, as usual, my dad unloading tools from the van, his colleague is doing so and my mum has to help my dad into the house. Once in, he says he needs an ambulance but my mum drives him up herself to A&E, where they’re told he needs a CT at least. CT shows no sign of stroke but apparently CTs don’t, so he’s told an MRI will be needed. Due to waiting lists, could take up to Monday to know if he’s had a stroke or not. Went to see him earlier and he seemed ok but I’m not a doctor or a physician and there might have been indications that what seems like labrythnitis or some other inner ear issue is the real cause but I’ve been really worried the last 24 hours to the point that I didn’t have even care about us losing, just that I never got to watch the match with my dad
tl;dr: dad might’ve had a stroke 2022 is the worst year of my life and I’d love it to end
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notpropaganda
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Post by notpropaganda on Feb 3, 2023 13:32:19 GMT
been a rough ol' start to the year here. It's felt non-stop since Christmas really. We were in Spain for Christmas, which was a good time but my gf really struggled being around her family too much. Moreso the extended family, they really expect a lot of her even though she lives in Ireland and there's a lot of little comments and things that really hurt her. And as my Spanish is weak enough I was only picking up that something was wrong without really being able to butt in at any stage or anything. So wasn't much of a support to her for that trip.
Then we came home and she had a really tough couple of weeks at her work. She's a vet so it's a really stressful job at the best of times, but usually she's ok. But she had a few really hard cases in a row between surgeries going slightly wrong or unexpected things happening, to one owner being abusive - when she sat down with her manager none of it was her fault, they review everything and she's in a really supportive environment there (thank god, her last place was horrific), but it still gets to her and impacts her when she gets home.
Then last week was the cherry on top. She got a call from her Mum on Saturday that her cousin had died by suicide. they were really close growing up, spending time at their grandparents over Christmas and all the holidays - we saw him at Christmas as well. Only 23. And the details kinda came to her in drips and drabs on the day which made it worse (if it can be any worse really). And all those questions pop up about why and what could we have done differently etc. So she's racked with guilt at the minute even though logically she knows it's not her fault or anything. I was just glad we got her on a flight home on Sunday evening, and she came back to Belfast on Wednesday there. She's back at work today which I think will be good for normality but I'm basically spending the day worrying that something will go wrong at work that will tip her over the edge.
for me, I'm struggling quite a bit with everything but don't want to put anything on her. I've scheduled a call with a counsellor through my work private health insurance (my gf is also covered so we're gonna go through the details together tomorrow to get her a chat as well). I've just found the past couple weeks exhausting and I'm constantly worried or don't know how to best support her, and don't want to come across worried because she feels bad about worrying me etc. etc. etc. I've really noticed my work suffer as well, things have piled up for me massively with year end and monthly deadlines (and I know there are plenty of fellow accounting nerds on here understanding those pressures), but I just find I can't focus or suddenly it's 4pm and all I've done is a couple of little bits and mostly spent time browsing websites about techniques to cope with this stuff or whatever.
like I said I have that call scheduled so I'm taking the steps to look after myself but felt like I needed to lay it all out somewhere as well.
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Paul
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Post by Paul on Feb 3, 2023 13:55:00 GMT
I think it’s really good that you’re both willing to look outside for help. Internal support is what we all want the most but there’s only so much of it you can get before it feels like a hollow platitude and you need someone objective and emotionless to look at the situation and try and find a solution that works
I understand your girlfriend’s perspective here (though I can’t relate to her losing family during this time) because being away from your family for so long and then spending so much time around them suddenly is a huge shock to the system. It gets really intense and overwhelming, especially because we never want to share our struggles with our families when we’re seeing them for the first time properly in a while, because it’s supposed to be a happy occasion. I’m sure you’ll have had that yourself as well but trying to relay that to your girlfriend I imagine isn’t very easy with how things are for her
I don’t know how many Spanish speaking friends your girlfriend has with her in Ireland but it can do wonders for reducing the impact of being back around her family when that situation arises again. You do sink pretty quickly back into your native language and it can make it difficult, there’s sort of an identity crisis that happens in those situations. If she doesn’t have many Spanish speaking friends, I’d have a look at if there are any language exchange events nearby. We have a few in Liverpool and for the most part it’s just people wanting to speak their own language but there are people who don’t speak it natively and want to sharpen their skills. My girlfriend speaks Spanish and has to do so for her job so she used to go to them all the time and made a lot of Spanish friends who were appreciative to find their own community away from home
I hope your girlfriend and yourself are doing well in general and as with all things, the emotions now are temporary but the loss of a family member never feels that way for a good while so the best thing is that she knows she’s got yourself for support and whoever it is, whether it’s a professional neither of you know or someone else within your circle until she starts to come to terms with everything
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notpropaganda
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Post by notpropaganda on Feb 3, 2023 15:07:57 GMT
thanks for the reply mate, much appreciated. yeah I've no problem openly talking about getting outside help, I did it before and it's probably the best thing I've ever done (and thanks to all in here who replied to me at the time with advice and things, that was in this thread I think). my girlfriend actually broke down after Christmas asking me how I went about getting help back then because she felt she needed it, so it was on our to-do list before losing her cousin last week sort of catapulted it to the top of our agenda.
she has got Spanish-speaking mates in Belfast thankfully and one in particular is really close to her. I get what it's like living away from home when I was in Canada, so I get it but the language thing was different for me, I've never had to live anywhere where I didn't speak English every day. So it's great she has her group of mates in Belfast she can revert to Spanish with and I'm taking lessons since last week actually to properly structure my learning of it which will hopefully help.
It's just felt like A LOT so far this year, I think we'll be ok though
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allah
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Post by allah on Mar 21, 2023 10:18:42 GMT
Anyone else feel like thanks to a never ending avalanche of celebrities and companies they're well aware of "mental health" and that maybe what we should be doing is funding the treatment of it? It's just become a fad now, the cast of Ted Lasso turn up to the White House and make sure everyone is "aware" of it. Fund it! Make it so poor people can actually access it in a reasonable time frame and for a reasonable price.
I'm not struggling anymore but when I was diagnosed by my GP I was given a number that would have got me access to a group therapy session 3 months later. It took me two and a half years to get a therapist that actually helped me and that was private with my parents helping pay for it. Mental healthcare is in such a fucking gutter that every podcast I listen to nowadays has an advert for sketchy online therapists. Stop telling people it exists and start attacking the government for not doing a better job funding healthcare.
It just feels like it's the latest "we care" PR bollocks while doing the grand total of fuck all to actually help anyone.
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Post by The Quito Diet on Mar 21, 2023 10:58:17 GMT
Anyone else feel like thanks to a never ending avalanche of celebrities and companies they're well aware of "mental health" and that maybe what we should be doing is funding the treatment of it? It's just become a fad now, the cast of Ted Lasso turn up to the White House and make sure everyone is "aware" of it. Fund it! Make it so poor people can actually access it in a reasonable time frame and for a reasonable price. I'm not struggling anymore but when I was diagnosed by my GP I was given a number that would have got me access to a group therapy session 3 months later. It took me two and a half years to get a therapist that actually helped me and that was private with my parents helping pay for it. Mental healthcare is in such a fucking gutter that every podcast I listen to nowadays has an advert for sketchy online therapists. Stop telling people it exists and start attacking the government for not doing a better job funding healthcare. It just feels like it's the latest "we care" PR bollocks while doing the grand total of fuck all to actually help anyone. 100% I've stopped bothering with wellbeing stuff at work because it became obvious the organisation didn't support it with actions. The only thing I've kept doing is talking about it to try and normalise it but I feel similar to you in that we should now be focussing efforts on treatment, not awareness.
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Post by you give me rrrroad rrrrage on Mar 21, 2023 12:09:14 GMT
At the places I’ve worked where I’ve actually engaged with it there’s been a lot of fanfare around the support they offer but when actually using the services it becomes apparent very quickly they’re nothing more than a box ticking (if we’re being generous) or arse covering (if we’re not) exercise.
That’s before we even get to the NHS.
Talk is cheap which is why there’s so much of it lol.
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Paul
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Post by Paul on Mar 21, 2023 15:04:50 GMT
The campaigns to raise awareness have had their time. There are still going to be the outdated few that think it’s nonsense but I think the majority now are aware of the impact of poor mental health and the factors that can contribute to worsening mental health, especially in such an impersonal time like we live in at the moment, started with the rise in technology and only made worse by the pandemic
The problem is I don’t think there was ever a plan of what to actually do once the cat was out the bag. Great, now everyone knows they can be open about their mental health. Now what? The treatment available to people with depression or anxiety orders hasn’t improved. The solution always seems to have been ‘talk about it’ and that’s great but it’s not actually going any way to fixing the issue. When I had my breakdown last year, I spoke to an online therapist through work and it was frankly shite. I was told to speak about it, get limited feedback and then just pushed other facets of the app they were trying to shill to me. It was disgusting tbh
I am worried about the importance placed on ‘just talking’ as well. There’s been a recent campaign to teach suicide awareness in schools and while that’s something im in favour of generally, I’m worried that one of the questions asked of kids is ‘have you ever considered suicide’ and knowing how cruel kids can be and how little they tend to understand consequences, the potential weaponisation of someone’s mental health
It’s all a bit half-baked and I think in some circumstances with the quality of service you can get from the state at the moment, it’s sometimes better to power through on your own. The short term effects might be good but they make you over reliant on things. My ex was on anti depressants and when she didn’t get them - which was often because her GP was useless - it was worrying how dark she would get. If your brain is so reliant on a tablet for endorphins then I don’t think that’s sustainable for your long term health
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Post by you give me rrrroad rrrrage on Mar 21, 2023 18:35:41 GMT
One last thing I’ll mention about workplace mental health initiatives in my experience. I’ve found the focus is much more on getting you back as a functioning member of the workforce rather than getting you well. These two can obviously be quite different things.
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#FreeBTS
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Post by #FreeBTS on Mar 21, 2023 20:46:39 GMT
One last thing I’ll mention about workplace mental health initiatives in my experience. I’ve found the focus is much more on getting you back as a functioning member of the workforce rather than getting you well. These two can obviously be quite different things. Ain't that the truth. Had a fairly medium sized breakdown Christmas 2021 and needed time off work, at first it's all 'take a few days off that's no bother, get yourself right', and once management realises this might actually affect them it becomes 'so when do you think you'll be back?'. Got to the point where I was genuinely relieved to have COVID to have the excuse to not go back.
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